I’m a divorced woman in my 40s and I’m told I’m very attractive and look years younger.
I have two kids aged 10 and seven, and work as manager of a pub and restaurant.
I haven’t had a serious relationship since my divorce nearly four years ago, but have had the odd fling.
Most recently, I got together with a man in his 20s, who comes into the bar with his friends.
At first it was just flirting and then we ended up in bed one night – my kids were with their dad. Since then we’ve been seeing each other regularly and sleeping together.
I’ve been enjoying the physical side of things and the attention from a younger guy, but never expected it to turn into anything more because he’s so much younger.
Then, the other night, he told me he thought he was falling for me and how would I feel about taking things to the next stage and committing to a more serious relationship.
I was surprised and it’s not what I want, so I said so. He left angry and I told him later that I wanted to call it a day.
About a week after this happened he came into the bar with his friends, blanked me all night and sat huddled in a corner with his group, laughing.
One of my waitresses told me she overheard them talking about me and he was describing our sex life and making horrible comments about my age and how desperate I was.
Although I didn’t want the relationship to go further, I still really liked and respected this person and can’t believe he was so cruel.
I feel humiliated and don’t know if I’ll trust another guy.
What do you think?
I think he’s showing his immaturity – you knocked him back, his ego suffered a blow and he’s reacting in a really childish and cruel way by trying to show you up in front of his mates.
So I’m sure you realise now that you definitely made the right decision by not getting any more involved with him. Breathe a sigh of relief that it ended when it did.
Look, as upsetting as it was to be in that situation, put it down to experience and focus on finding a relationship or even something more casual with a person who’s more mature and on your wavelength.
And don’t be so hard on yourself – it’s easy to fall for someone who’s not right for us when we’re feeling vulnerable or a bit lonely and craving some attention.
You’re young and attractive, you’re doing a great job of bringing up your kids while holding down a busy job – you’ve got a lot going for you!
This one experience shouldn’t stop you from trusting other men. I’m pretty sure this guy didn’t mean those horrible comments he made – he wanted more – but his pride was hurt and that’s why he reacted that way.